Control & Consideration

I was born to be a very considerate human.

I don’t know how this came about but somewhere along the way it was implanted into my being. When I say considerate, I mean in all aspects of life; feelings, morals, points of views, family, etc. I love deep, caring for people is something I have always felt I was good at. My dream job is to work to help the planet and the people on it, through doing meaningful work that is needed in times of need, like the Red Cross, but maybe for a more private organization.

Sadly, we all disappoint some times. I have my days where I may come off to some, as the opposite of being considerate. Those are my emotions… over thinking themselves and getting in the way of how I truly feel about a situation, to the point where regret sets in, about how I reacted the first go around. Although sometimes that may be me being strong with my emotions and considering that the equation doesn’t involve me and is a bigger issue, therefore I see the consideration on a greater level for that person, and I stick by my decision. Do they always see things the same way I do, not necessarily, but I know in my heart that the decision I made was best in that moment, for that situation, and if the regret sets in, and I truly feel wrong, I always make sure to have that conversation (Sorry for the RUN-on). Let me continue to be honest here, no one wants drama, or for someone to feel disappointed in them because of a situation they handled wrong, luckily forgiveness blesses us with the ability to make those situations right.

So now you know how hard I love, and how hard I feel for others, if you didn’t before. Let me explain one of my own shortcomings. I myself hate disappointing someone. I have a lot of dear people to me that I feel I disappoint on a regular basis. For me the problem is working through that feeling and moving forward. It can be something as small as me overthinking, I do that a lot, a schedule or a game plan, and not fulfilling the original vision of it. I myself get disappointed when something like that happens, but I often wonder am I the only one in that situation or have I also disappointed the one I planned the event with. The really silver line here is that I disappoint myself more than I probably disappoint others, and I am just never okay with that.

I have issues with self control, and because I’m such the thinker I read a lot into things, some that hurt me and others that help me. Learning myself, as I am growing up can be so neat and frustrating at the same time. I change, my thoughts change, my reactions change, my attitude changes but my morals are normally always the same, they are like my guidance to everything else that comes. I know to put my foot down and stand for what I believe is right. Its okay to fail sometimes as long as your aware and you do everything in your power to learn from it. Life can be challenging enough, if we can help to alleviate our own self made stresses the rest will come easier too.

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