One of our Many Dinner Date Nights

I’d like to say I’m patient…however that would not be a true character trait. I never realized, as I get older, how much I lack patience until I am in a situation where I’m crunched for time, or in a place that’s crowded. Weirdly at work I thrive when I’m in a situation where patience is non other than a word loosely thrown around.

When I was younger I thought I had the patience of Jobe. Anytime I was babysitting or enjoying the munchkins that surround my life, I found myself to be calm, collective, and fun. I got praise from all their mothers about how fun and intuitive I was with them. That compliment is greatly appreciated. I truly just love kids, and when they are at that young age of imagination and pure joy, it makes the situation so much more enjoyable.

I feel like I have something to offer, and teach, lessons to learn from. I am very aware I’m not the only individual who feels this way, however this blog is about my thoughts and revelations so that feeling is super valid.

Do you know what TTC means? There’s a handful of women who do, those are the women I’ve surrendered my thoughts too. I’ve joined support groups and had conversations that I never thought would be possible, and great advice has been given. Do you ever feel like you can have a whole village of support, yet feel so alone. My wonderful friends and family are always a phone call away, I know that, I’m sure in your time of need you know that too. With certain topics my brain knows exactly the ear to reach out to, and I’ve spoken to that before. This topic however, this topic, is so exhausting and ever changing that I myself don’t know where to start sometimes. Speaking to those women in my support groups, allows me to ask questions based on stories they are openly sharing or asking advice on. It doesn’t mean I know answers, but many in the support groups do. Answers occasionally bring hope, and for me that’s been my motto for the past 4+ years, I’m team TTC!

Hope that I’m not broken, Hope that my husband isn’t broken, Hope that we will have a family with more than us 2 and an  array of furbabies. Hope that we don’t have to result with chemicals, Hope that the cost for all of this subsides, Hope that my husband isn’t stressing more than I am, Hope that my family will understand any outcome we decide on. HOPE! HOPE! HOPE! I could sit here and type that I’ve never wanted something so badly in my life, that would be a lie. I’ve always had wants, very few materialistic and most out of reach but some very attainable, that I attained. This however, it feels less like a want, and more like a need.

We wanted to share our stories, and like I stated earlier; lessons, and advice. We are finding out that our wants are very much, needs. We want a family so badly but the truth is we feel the need to have that, more. We are not some new married couple that met a few years back. We are indebted individuals who have been living above the roots we built for ourselves, for years. That’s an accomplishment many marriages cant say they’ve achieved. We built an honest foundation and find that we are the ones benefiting the most. You may not see that as a bad thing, you may be thinking, sit back and just enjoy. For us past Christmas’ turn into not wanting to buy for one another because what we need throughout the year we just get. Christmas this past year, was Amazing, but it’s because we sucked it up and managed to find things for one another, that we indeed needed and wanted. Birthdays in the past have always had a theme I planned around, after decades of ideas, I find myself wondering what I’d plan/ buy if we had more to plan/buy for.

Life isn’t about buying things I know that, but the thoughts cross my mind more than I’d like to sit here and let you in on. Here’s an imagination….put your foot in my 7 1/2 pair of boots and imagine getting off work to grocery shop. You’ve got your list, your walking through the isles. Notice the mom in front of you scurrying to keep up with her two toddlers; holding a list in her hand at that. I know she probably needs a serious mommy break, but I can’t help but feel the need of WANTING that moment. So I smile compliment her, and hope that it brings her some type of hype to get through the checkout line. While I continue to shop and think what I am missing out on.

This is not a woo is me topic, its just that when you are on a journey for so long you don’t think of thinking of something that you truly just THINK about. It’s like when you are grieving the smallest of things, like a picture or a song makes you think of what your thinking of!

To all of my TTC Community, I’m always here for you. Never feel like you are alone, we all have our own stories and our own journeys, but one doesn’t disregard the other.